Honey, We Shrunk the Kids!

There’s a crazy movie that came out several years ago. A semi-wacky inventor, who was also a loving father, accidentally shrunk his kids to near insect size. As loving parents, often unknowingly, we shrink our kids…by shrinking their self esteem. Self esteem is simply, having a basic confidence in one’s ability to face life’s challenges and a sense of being worthy of happiness. Many times as parents, our modus operandi for raising happy and confident children is based on certain myths.

In a landmark study called The Antecedents of Self Esteem, Stanley Coopersmith identified the parental behaviors, most often found where children grew up manifesting healthy self esteem. He also found out the factors that are not significantly related to self esteem. Some of these myths are family wealth, education, geographic living area, social class, father’s occupation or always having a mother at home.  Wow!  Some of the things we’ve put great emphasis on.  So, listen to what really does matter.

1. An environment, where a child experiences total acceptance of their thoughts and feelings and the value of who they are as a person.

2. When a child operates in clearly defined and enforced limits that are fair, non-oppressive and negotiable. Boundaries give children a sense of security. When a child meets the high standards that have been set, their confidence is reinforced.

3. When a child experiences respect for their own dignity as a human being, their needs and wishes are taken seriously in the context of boundaries, whether or not as parents we always give in to them. In the enforcing of boundaries, we don’t resort to violence, humiliation or ridicule to control or manipulate. More emphasis is placed on rewarding and reinforcing the desirable behaviors, as opposed to focusing on the negative. At the same time, we must not reinforce the negative behaviors, by ignoring them, allowing them or making light of them as being cute, innocent or a stage they are going through.

4. When parents uphold high standards and expectations in terms of performance and behavior. These expectations are conveyed in a respectful and benevolent manner in which the child is challenged to be the best they can be.

5. The parents themselves tend to enjoy a high level of self esteem. The child sees living examples of what they need to learn.

As parents, we can make it easier or harder for our kids to develop a healthy self esteem.   We create the environment in which our children develop. So join me in this most noble of causes.

LET’S NOT SHRINK OUR KIDS!

Being the Parent You Were Meant to Be

Here’s a recent excerpt from the book, Be The Best Parent That You Were Meant To Be by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. These are all traits that we can develop in order to be the best parents that we can be. We can all stand to be better parents.

- Pastor Al Hill

Ten Traits Worth Considering:

1. Giving the Praise They Crave: Are you an Affirming Parent? Realistically praise what your child does, and show him that you notice, love and value him.
2. Counting to Ten- Again: Are You a Patient Parent? When frustrated, stay calm and cool and try to see the world from your child’s viewpoint.
3. Hearing What They Don’t Say: Are You an Attentive Parent? Listen for the feelings, values, and fears your child does not overtly express and find gentle and meaningful ways to let her know you understand.
4. Seeing a Picture of Their Future: Are You a Visionary Parent? Treat your child’s dreams seriously and foster a future that will help him actualize what he aspires to do and be.
5. Building a Better Bond: Are You a Connected Parent? Create bonding experiences by intentionally fostering activities you both enjoy together.
6. Commemorating Milestones: Are you a Celebratory Parent? Communicate a powerful message of love to your child by planning festivities to commemorate developmental signposts worth remembering.
7. Keeping Your Word: Are You an Authentic Parent? Use everyday occurrences to walk your talk and show your child that you are deserving of her trust.
8. Creating the Safest Place on Earth: Are You a Comforting Parent? Instill deep emotional security in your child by maintaining a non-anxious presence and reassuring him that you are always available to talk.
9. Instilling Wisdom: Are You an Insightful Parent? Become an “emotional coach” for your child by accepting negative emotions as a fact of life and using them as opportunities to teach life lessons.
10. Practicing the Presence of God: Are You a Prayerful Parent? Use opportune times to talk to God together with your child and discuss ways you can pray for each other.