Ever wonder why we act the way we do? Why do we do certain things that are hurtful, abusive, derogatory or divisive things? I am in no way attempting to even excuse the bad things that we do to each other yet to foster some understanding. We could all use a little more understanding and compassion. There really is a very simple explanation that will shed some light on our dark behaviors.
First of all, what comes out of us is in us. If I cause others pain it is because pain is in me. I give to others only what I have to give. My life is one big slide projector. You will only see outwardly what is in me. If hurt and pain are in the carousel of my heart then that is what I project onto the screen of others around me. Hurting people will forever be hurting people until they stop being hurting people.
This means that we must resolve our pain. This process of healing begins by answering a few questions honestly. What are the hurtful things that I am doing? What triggers me to do those things? What subconscious recollections do I have at the time these things are triggered? What hurts me more than anything? Why does it hurt me? Who did it come from? Understanding the source of our pain is the first step in healing. We aren’t looking for people to blame but only to get an understanding of why we hurt the way we do and what we need to do to fix it. There are contributing factors that have a lot to do with our families of origin but we are responsible for our actions.
We need to understand this cycle. Our families did things to hurt us but they were only doing it from their pain. They were projecting their pain and we were often the easiest targets. It really had nothing to do with us except us being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It didn’t mean that we were stupid, undeserving, worthless, ugly or lesser than in anyway. They were conveying on us how they felt about themselves. We often perceived those thoughts or feelings as being true since they were coming from the most significant people in our lives. They weren’t true. Yes, they could have gotten help or done better but many of them didn’t. You and I can.
We have the tools available to help us understand and resolve our pain in counseling and psychology. But the greatest tool we have is our relationship with our heavenly Father who loves us and cares about our every pain. He has given us His Son who died to take way our sins and our pain. We have His holy Word that brings healing to our lives. We have His Holy Spirit that is our comforter and counselor. Hurting people don’t have to continue hurting people.
Tags: counseling, pain
August 19, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Hurting people hurt people, you got that right! I was thinking the other night how much i have hurt my family just because of my own pain. How can we get rid of that pain that hunts you every night? how can we trust the one person that has been with you for so long but in a weak moment forgot his marriage bows/commitment? How can you forgive and forget? There is only one way and that is thru Christ. Dying to your flesh, your pride, your selfishnes, total death, taking your pain to the feet of the cross were ashes will be turned into beauty, were shame will be turned into a shameless life, your pain into joy! We have to make a decision wether we wnat to be heal or not. Are in the boat?