There’s a crazy movie that came out several years ago. A semi-wacky inventor, who was also a loving father, accidentally shrunk his kids to near insect size. As loving parents, often unknowingly, we shrink our kids…by shrinking their self esteem. Self esteem is simply, having a basic confidence in one’s ability to face life’s challenges and a sense of being worthy of happiness. Many times as parents, our modus operandi for raising happy and confident children is based on certain myths.
In a landmark study called The Antecedents of Self Esteem, Stanley Coopersmith identified the parental behaviors, most often found where children grew up manifesting healthy self esteem. He also found out the factors that are not significantly related to self esteem. Some of these myths are family wealth, education, geographic living area, social class, father’s occupation or always having a mother at home. Wow! Some of the things we’ve put great emphasis on. So, listen to what really does matter.
1. An environment, where a child experiences total acceptance of their thoughts and feelings and the value of who they are as a person.
2. When a child operates in clearly defined and enforced limits that are fair, non-oppressive and negotiable. Boundaries give children a sense of security. When a child meets the high standards that have been set, their confidence is reinforced.
3. When a child experiences respect for their own dignity as a human being, their needs and wishes are taken seriously in the context of boundaries, whether or not as parents we always give in to them. In the enforcing of boundaries, we don’t resort to violence, humiliation or ridicule to control or manipulate. More emphasis is placed on rewarding and reinforcing the desirable behaviors, as opposed to focusing on the negative. At the same time, we must not reinforce the negative behaviors, by ignoring them, allowing them or making light of them as being cute, innocent or a stage they are going through.
4. When parents uphold high standards and expectations in terms of performance and behavior. These expectations are conveyed in a respectful and benevolent manner in which the child is challenged to be the best they can be.
5. The parents themselves tend to enjoy a high level of self esteem. The child sees living examples of what they need to learn.
As parents, we can make it easier or harder for our kids to develop a healthy self esteem. We create the environment in which our children develop. So join me in this most noble of causes.
LET’S NOT SHRINK OUR KIDS!
Tags: children, parenting, self-esteem
